Oneness And Duality

Have you ever stood there wondering what your partner is really thinking? Wondering why you`ve got that feeling, no, you know they aren`t telling you all that`s going on in their head? Or heart? Or with their soul? That`s `Duality`.

I`ve been through serious relationships, where that starts off as the thin end of the wedge. As time goes on, it only gets worse. You find out they`ve told others different to what they’ve told you. You overhear them slating you when they think you`re not around. Stumble into discovering they`ve been telling you lies about something for ages, they want their own space, and so on and so on. You wonder why they seem to have a different agenda to you? Why they`re not on the same wavelength? Why you seem to know less of who they really are as time goes on instead of more? And when you confront it, you are pushed away, or it`s turned back on you, with all the usual excuses of control, privacy, independence, space, etc. That`s duality.

I grew up with the yearning for being with what I used to call `the right woman for me`, and I`m talking here about since my early teenage years. Someone who was genuinely more than just happy (I use happy here generically as there are so many facets to it really...but that`s probably another article!), being with me, and loved me for who I was. Someone who had the same love, passion and lust for me, as I had for them. Someone as Bohemian as me, but also still with as much integrity, honesty and loyalty as I have. Someone with whom we would both just know it would be forever. As time went on, it was appearing to me as though it was becoming more and more of a dream than a possible reality. I gradually grew to make the big mistake of starting to believe relationships, especially successful ones, were more about `making compromises`. That can work, but, if its one-sided, things just get worse. And you aren`t going to have a hot passionate long term relationship if it’s full of compromises. Then before you know it, you`re in the middle of head games, both from their inability to look at themselves and you trying to work out just what is really going on? (...we don`t blame them, they were on their own journey, and being presented with their own opportunities to deal with their own dark shadows... Transforming The Dark Shadow Feminine) I still had that dream, albeit a fading memory, but there comes a point when there are just too many compromises and it`s at that point you`re better off out. There just isn`t any `Oneness`.

It`s taken me 50 years to finally learn that lesson. Duality, just isn`t enough. Duality is simply not loving yourself enough. That`s the time you need to be free and available for something better. When you can reach that point, we believe the chances of meeting your twin are raised immeasurably. In fact, we believe you can`t meet your twin till you have learned that. I remember after my last marriage had failed, driving along one day, returning to that old dream and (literally) `calling forth` all I wanted in a woman. Believe me, at 50, that`s a lot longer list than at 13. But now I`m living with her.

When we connected, it was instant (we wrote about it Astrodienst, Seamed Nylons and 11:11 (how we met)). It was clear right away it wasn`t like any previous relationship. I had to be with her, and she had to be with me, and there was nothing that could have stopped us. That`s what it`s like when you meet your twin...you have to be with them, and will do whatever it takes to make it happen. It was immediate and it was compelling. Now, looking back, coming together was totally devoid of duality, it was pure oneness for the first time for both of us. In fact, we have discovered duality is not an option for us; it is quite the opposite. Any separation for us is very painful, for whatever the reason, and we function better in unison. It has highlighted a major reason lots of relationships fail (Duality).

Oneness is being loved totally for who “You” are. There`s no honeymoon period, as you can just be yourself from day 1, and things don`t change. I put her before me all the time, knowing she`ll put me before her just as easily, and we do all the time. I`d do anything for Claire, and she would do anything for me, and we do all the time. I want to spend all the time we have together, just like she does with me, and we do. Being apart all day to go to work to pay the bills is our biggest challenge, but it`s so wonderful knowing she can`t wait for me to get out of work and be with me each evening and night. But that`s still just the tip of the iceberg. Oneness is about having the same thoughts at the same time, always liking whatever the other may suggest, constantly loving each other, incredible sexual passion and lust and.... never standing there wondering what your partner is really thinking? That`s Oneness.