Being Apart

Another airport and Claire and I have had to say goodbye and be parted yet again. I board and sit on the plane. As I sit there, I feel like my entire insides are being ripped out of me. They actually feel as though they are being physically pulled back towards the terminal. No, its for real, and I’ve never experienced anything like it before. The plane races down the runway and lifts off and the pull back gets even worse. I know she’s down there somewhere and it feels like somehow I’m being pulled back to her.

It has happened every time we have had to part since we met. It is just torture parting and being apart. When we are apart, we can’t stop thinking about each other, every minute, every hour. We both miss our twin so badly, and can’t wait to be back together.

When apart, we experience the connection of our souls in many mysterious ways. When I have come online, Claire, nowhere near her computer, would just know I was there and within minutes feel compelled to go and check her computer. We have many times online written the same thing at exactly the same time. Have answered the others question, whilst typing it and before the other had sent it. We have awoken in the middle of the night and sent each other the same text message at exactly the same time. All this is part of what we call our ‘oneness’, …where we feel like we are one being most of the time.

Being apart has also had its benefits. We met via a dating website. Online, when we first connected, it was instant. We are talking hours here. If we had been within driving distance of each other, we would have been together that very first night. But we couldn’t, so we connected in every way except the physical. Those first 18 days before we actually physically met, were sheer ecstasy at uncovering the deep love we have for each other, but agony at being apart and not being able to actually meet yet. We had to wait and we would later come to realise what a blessing it would be. After we finally physically met, we discovered the potent and intense sexual attraction for each other, that we had both suspected, was very real indeed. Later as we reflected on the way we seemed to have been kept physically apart for those 18 long days, we realised we had been given something very special. We had fallen in love within days, even hours, and it had been based purely on our spiritual and emotional connection. We had experienced that growing deeper and deeper over those 18 days, to the point we knew we had to be together, regardless of what each other actually looked like! We both realised if we had been able to physically meet straight away, the sexual attraction would have been instant and over powering and we may have never really known how much of our intensity was based on our sexual chemistry and how much was spiritual or emotional. We now know forever, that our relationship, however intense it is sexually, is not based on sex or the physical, but on a deep soul connection and pure love. We fell in love emotionally and spiritually first, and that is thanks to being kept apart those first 18 days.

When together, we are constantly reminded how hard it is to be apart. If one of us walks out of the room the other feels lost as if something is missing and waits for the other to return. This isn’t some form of immature dependency, for we are both fifty years old and have spent many years focusing on becoming independent and spiritually whole. It feels as if it’s a very deep connection at the soul level and that we need, yes literally need, to be together all the time. We both feel we have evolved past the point of respecting one another’s personal space (something we’ve both learned prior and discussed a lot together) to a place where, for us, we feel we don’t need any space from each other at all. When we are together there is always a feeling of pure love, peace, and calmness, with each other, that neither has experienced before. There are no issues or disagreements. It is a feeling of being in complete balance with one another and if parted, it is as if we become out of balance and yearn for the other.

So we quickly learnt being apart is not an option for us. We both already knew we needed to be together permanently before we’d even met. After those first 6 days of being together, it was confirmed 100% (in fact, we totally knew within the first 5 minutes of meeting). I flew straight back and resigned from a very prestigious and lucrative job and we then worked out how we could live together. We decided we’d both move to a new city in another state where there was work for both of us and we would be starting afresh together. So we found a house to rent, both threw in our existing homes, had our belongings shipped there, and moved. From the first time we connected to moving in together was less than 2 months! We have been together ever since, and not regretted it for 1 second. We still can’t be close enough, or spend as much time together as we want and have to settle for just the 24 hours there are in each day. Being apart is terrifying for us, and something we plan to avoid as much as possible for the rest of our days.